Why Boys Feel Lost – and How We Can Help Them Find Their Way

Family Talks with journalist Lucy Johnston and Mark Brooks OBE

A Generation Feeling Left Behind

Mark paints a vivid picture of boys struggling to find their footing. “Boys are not doing as well as girls – they’re behind at every single level,” he explains. “There’s this air of despondency, where they feel they’re not able to get on.” Many young men sense they are being judged before they are encouraged. “They feel that society is constantly checking whether they’re a problem, rather than helping them succeed.”

Understanding the ‘Manosphere’

The discussion explores the rise of the online “manosphere” – a loose ecosystem offering self-improvement advice but also promoting the idea that feminism and gender equality have come at the cost of men’s rights. These communities present emotional control, material wealth and dominance – especially over women – as markers of male worth.

Mark says most boys simply search for guidance, motivation or fitness tips, but a small number are nudged into darker spaces. “A lot of what young men are looking for online is about how to get on in life… But algorithms can drag them into unhealthy spaces they never set out to find.”

The Role of Fathers and Male Role Models

Mark stresses that isolation and the lack of trusted role models are major drivers. “Boys who don’t have fathers or father figures – or any strong male examples at school – will look elsewhere for guidance on what it means to be a man. If positive men aren’t there, they’ll follow whoever shows up.”

Lucy raises whether the focus on “toxic masculinity” has gone too far. Mark responds firmly: “Phrases like ‘toxic masculinity’ are actually toxic. What boys and young men need are the nuts and bolts of life – possibilities, pathways, and care.”

Belief, Challenge and Encouragement

Mark says respect and encouragement do far more good than suspicion or blame. “Teenage boys respond to challenge and belief, not to criticism. They thrive when someone says, ‘I’m on your side.’”

Only one in four UK teachers are male, leaving many boys without everyday male role models. Mark argues boys should be pushed harder, not protected from challenge. “Some teachers were just pleased the boys turned up – not that they turned up and did their homework.”

Loneliness, Anger and Mental Health

Mark describes a quieter crisis of loneliness and disconnection. “Twenty years ago, disillusioned young men might have rioted. Now they’ve checked out. They’re sitting in their bedrooms, lonely and sedated by screens.”

That despair is reflected in suicide statistics. “Suicide is the biggest killer of men under fifty,” he says. Often it’s not diagnosed illness but life problems – debt, broken relationships, unemployment. “They don’t see a way forward. Our job is to make sure they know there is a point.”

He urges families to create safe, consequence-free spaces for boys to talk, noting that men often communicate “shoulder-to-shoulder” while doing an activity.

Practical Support for Parents and Carers

Mark offers clear, hopeful guidance for families:

• Keep asking questions – with warmth, not interrogation.
• Show consistent belief: be on their side, not on their case.
• Encourage boys to join teams, clubs or cadets to build belonging.
• Talk openly about online influences and pornography – guide rather than ban.
• Celebrate strengths and progress, even in small ways.

“You have to challenge harmful ideas, but also offer alternatives,” Mark says. “Show them what healthy masculinity looks like – kindness, purpose, service to others.”

A Hopeful Path Forward

Despite the challenges, Mark ends on a note of optimism. “I’m hopeful, because we’re having this conversation. Society’s waking up to the problems boys face, and we’re starting to act.”

He believes every carer, teacher and parent has a vital role to play in showing boys that their lives have purpose and value.